air

you know that feeling when someone you love is gone
like all the air has been sucked out of the room
and there are no words to describe the feelings
...despair, anger, sadness...
that accompany the loss

i think it was Steve Martin in LA Story who said
we never know precisely when love starts,
but we always seem to know when it ends

all i know is
it doesn't matter what city you woke up in
what continent you're on
even what time zone or season you're in
there's still no air
it's hard to breathe
and there aren't words for this

cosmic ping pong

ideas cascade
conversations intersect
ideas, thoughts, inspirations
flow together like streams
ever widening towards the river
then the sea

my mind buzzes
with thought and feeling
color, like sky
wire, taking form
stones, like those small weighty
bits of ourselves that hold us down
when we might just float away

voices intermingle
with bits of each other
where your idea ended
and my thought began
is unclear
like cosmic ping pong
pieces of myself knocked free
bounce around the room
for all to touch before coming back to me
while others float or fall away
uncovering the mystery beneath

I am moved
past mere words
or thoughts or feelings
to a place simply connected
to the beauty that surrounds

----- ----- -----

I recently attended an art show of my long time friend Laurie Fronek in Seattle. I wrote this piece in response to the creative energy and sharing that resonated between the art and the people present at the show. I was inspired and the evening reminded me how beautiful it is when we can care for, foster and love the ideas and creative impulses we hold inside so that we bring them into being. Much like when a blossom breaks open, there is a sharing of the beauty and light we carry within ourselves, and it is both beautiful expression and a gift for those who are allowed to share in it. Thanks to Laurie, and all the artists in the show, for opening those windows into themselves and letting us peer, if only momentarily, inside. I am moved and changed by it.

in transit

Buenos Aires didn't seem so different this morning as it did when I arrived, just past 5 am, the streets quiet but for a few stragglers from late night parties the night before. its a bit surreal actually - still dark, the streets seem to disown me - was I really here - coming and going in stealth while everyone was sleeping - I long to be home and yet stay at the same time - and don't feel quite like I belong in either place, but somewhere in between the two. between the north and the south - east and west - the summer and the winter - the known and the unknown...between the darkness and the dawn. it still feels so unknown, mysterious, barely seen - is this the city I walked in, dreamt in, sweat and drank coffee in or is this some surreal place in my imagination - not really part of the trip - like bookends, that hold the books together, but aren't really part of the library.

my head is fuzzy, from not enough sleep - much like when I arrived - what have I forgotten, left behind, and will I need it where I am going? as the countryside slides by in the warm morning air I remember thinking how often it is on journeys such as this that the internal journey we take is somehow further than the external one. still 5 time zone and opposite latitude - different hemispheres - in some small way this place became like home. a home. In many ways I am looking forward to being home. Currently without job and a number of things in flux - it will be nice to get started on things undone, and yet at the same time I know this afternoon I am going to miss the delightful girl at the hotel who would hand me my key always with a smile and buen dias...and the guys at the cafe on the corner - not know if I would have another coffee or cerveza. they were excited to hear even my english telling of the futbol game the other day - again for a minute I felt like a rockstar - they got something special out of talking to someone who was actually AT the game.

I'll miss their quizzical looks when I would attempt to ask something more complicated about the menu - and the way they always took good care of me.

From Lima - I have the briefest of notes about the croissant (I know - enough with the damn croissants already!) - it has been confirmed - while the Peruvian croissant is served warm and with a smile and good coffee - all good things - it is in fact just bready dinner roll dough hewn into a shape roughly resembling that of a croissant. hmmm - maybe I'll go to tartine in the morning for coffee (mmmmmmm cofffeeeeee) and one of their ham and cheese dreams.

Speaking of food - I now find myself in San Salvador - about to board a plane for the last leg of my journey home - and I miss La Taq, or better yet El Farolito....hmmm perhaps there is a midnight super quesadilla run in my future.

I did peak my head into a bar here in the airport - aptly called "The bar" and thought what the hell I'll have a papusa and a beer. not so great. but when is food you get INSIDE the airport ever that good anyway. maybe they have to irradiate or do something special to all the food that makes it past security so it just has no real texture or flavor.

what I for more than a proper croissant or a late night super quesadilla - is for the impossible - for my best friends to meet me at the cafe on the corner and then make our way to gran bar danzon, patagonia sur, miranda, sucre, or some other new foodie place in BA, and have a couple bottles of wine - a few good steaks and other things we've never tried before (and celebrate my birthday).

cheers to you all - I look forward to catching up with you soon.

departures

today was my last day in BA - I went to the futbol museum - and finally made it to the Museo de Nacional de Belle Artes (MNBA) did a little shopping for last minute items and ate another delightful meal at Gran Bar Danzon - and am sitting here - having one last cerveza at the corner cafe next to my hotel - it has been my own little home base - for the past few days the guys in the cafe wave if I happen to walk past but don't come in. i'll miss seeing them for coffee in the morning- and while they may miss me too - one thing I'm sure they won't miss is the fabulous way that I butcher their language - every. single. day!

anyway - there's a lot more to write about - so I promise to try to go back and post things that are partially written - before I get all caught up in the goings on of home again.

I'll miss the summertime - I'll miss the good coffee (even in the worst cafes the coffee is still really good here), the desserts, the sommeliers, the medialunas (croissants), the beef (omigod the beef!), the fancy ladies always in their high heels and sparkly things (can you say bling? not better than a porteno lady) and so many other things I can't quite think of right now.

well, my taxi comes for me at 4:30 am tomorrow - so I'm off to finish packing and get a couple hours of sleep. the moon is beautiful on this my last warm and balmy summer night in Buenos Aires. Good night.

It's a bird! It's a plane! It's super--...no wait, its just dessert

...well not any ordinary old dessert mind you, this is another mind altering - ass kicking - fantabulous - I am completely at a loss for words to describe what it is - dessert!

ok - so I have a few new food rules - which I promise to describe in more detail in another post - but 2 of them apply here.

1. If you are in a nice restaurant (in BA in particular) and you ask the waiter/host what he thinks the best thing, i.e. his favorite thing, on the menu is - and he tells you - just go with it. IT. WILL. BE. GOOD.

2. If you are in a nice restaurant (in BA in particular) don't load up too much on the bread (though the bread is amazing - and there's a whole post coming - I hope - about the wonderful diversity of bread baskets across the city) or appetizers and try every once in a while to save room for dessert. YOU. WILL. NOT. BE. DISAPPOINTED.

ok - so tonight - I was at yet another restaurant - Gran Bar Danzon - which Lonely Planet doesn't do justice - they make it sound like its just a great place to do some wine tasting - or have a good cocktail - but they make it sound like the food is just so-so. Well, perhaps they didn't vote Sebastian onto their island when they reviewed the place. Sebastian - as it turns out - not only knows the menu (though I am not sure how he is SOOOooo thin) - but has impeccable taste...as my friend Tauni would say (mom, please excuse the french I'm about to use) - this guy's not fucking around!

so tonight - I save room for dessert. {sidebar -last night I showed up at gran bar danzon for a caipirinha, or two, since they have GREAT 2 for nearly-the-price-of-one happy hour specials, and being tired (oh the blasphemy) of eating beef (i know, i know, what. is. wrong. with. me!) I opted for the salad Sebastian recommended - and then the pork loin (breaking rule #1 above, by not just going with Sebastian's first recommendation of the rib-eye, but instead, his admitted second favorito, the pork}

Sebastian recommends "the block" which, when I read the menu sounded vaguely like a foodie take on the brownie sundae...I resist...I think "how many times can this guy be right?"...and then I remember how good all his other recommendations were (EVEN the squid, yes, it was squid salad...don't ask...it too was one of the best things I've ever eaten - and I don't really like the squid!) and then I remember the new food rule #1 - JUST.GO.WITH. IT. (it. will. be. good.)

I.DO.
(and no that is not me agreeing to marry anyone...well the dessert maybe?!)

so - there is something else I should now confess - if you follow food rules #1 and #2, in Buenos Aires the result - based on my limited amount of experience, there is a very good chance that you will find yourself eating a dessert that is like having sex. Yes it happened again. and no - I am not talking about any run-of-the-mill, i-think-i-might-be-getting-a-headache-cause-i'm-not-sure-i-really-want-to kind of sex. I am talking about the world melts away, words are useless, you forget all rules of conduct and physics, thought gravity seems to still work - but everything else - wow, where did it go? - kind of sex. You know like when...ok wait, we're not talking about sex, we're talking about DESSERT.

I had one bite - the room began spin (and no I wasn't drunk - even on the perfect...no really, I do ACTUALLY mean "perfect" dessert wine that Sebastian recommended to go with the, sex...er the dessert, but at this point they're sorta the same thing and I am still fumbling about for words) and there was no more restaurant, I forgot my name and where I am from and what I do for a living - and who my friends were - it was just me - and this big white plate with 2 beautiful blocks of chocolate/caramel with peanuts inside, covered in dark chocolate...see the words just don't even come close to describing the perfectly sweet, smoky, nutty, caramelly, fudgey heaven that i experienced when it touched my tongue. (kind of like that scene in the movie "Ratatoille" where all these little swirling fireworks go off when Remy feeds Emile the mix of cheese and fruit and the tastes combine in a lovely explosion in his mouth.)

it was warm...and silky...and...and...does anyone have a cigarette?

futbol y jesus

It being Sunday I decided to take in Argentina's two great religions: futbol (soccer) and jesus (er, catholicism)...actually I've been dying to go to a real game, and the jesus bit came in because my good friend Kerrin dared me to find the cheesiest landmark in Buenos Aires. At first I thought simply a picture of me at a Argentinian Parilla next to the giant sides of beef might get me by - but after thinking about it there's no way that Kerrin would fall for that so I'd have to up the ante. Then I thought the Palacio de las Aguas Corrientes with plumbing and toilets (yes, I went to the toilet museum - of course!) would do it but then I came across Tierra Santa, a religious theme park, and well I just knew that would be it...and it had everything to do with the animatronic Jesus who's resurrected (yes, he comes out of the mound of dirt, well plastic dirt) every 30 minutes or so, in a show for believers and non-believers alike...but I digress - first religions first!

I. River v. Colon

So, being told that it was likely unsafe for a tourist, let alone a single female traveller, to attend a futbol game - I followed a friend's advice and booked a ticket with a tour agency. You pay a little more, but they pick you up and return you to your hotel in B.A. and even better you attend the game with an english speaking guide, which was an added bonus, because on the short van trip to the stadium he told us a bit about argentines and their beloved futbol (everyone routes for a team) about some of the rivalries in the city (over 70% of the country routes for either River Plate or Boca, the two bit BA teams) and their nicknames (River Plate's stadium is in an upper class neighborhood so while people through Argentina route for them, they are called the "millionaires" whereby Boca Juniors fans are called the Spanish equivalent for "smell like shit" because their neighborhood is near the river that is now polluted and therefore smells like s---) and he gave us our instructions: We would be routing for River today - that means there is no clapping or cheering for the other team - even if they score - no way, nada, nothing, we are River fans for the day.

One of the most interesting tidbits I learned was that the River fans are called, roughly, "the drunk ones" and yet - there is no alcohol served in the stadium, that's right - no beer, nothing - you can get coca-cola, and ice cream or frozen fruit bar, and hamburgers - that's it. and there's also apparently a moratorium on the day of the game - no alcohol within a 5 or 10K radius of the stadium on game on game day. Now I am even more curious where the nickname comes from.

So then the game...wow!

I mean the futbol itself was great- being like 10-12 rows from the field in the middle afforded an incredible view of the pitch and all the action - almost making up for the fact we were in the direct sun all - not good for a pale girl from Vermont - so I must admit to going to find a seat in the shade for a while. That was funny, because I sat next to a couple older gentlemen there by themselves - and I could tell they didn't know quite what to make of me - a lone female - what? I followed our guide's direction and ONLY cheered for the home team- so I think after a while they tolerated me, because at least I liked their team.

But seriously the very best thing about the game is the crowd and the singing. I mean I've watched all kinds of world cup games on the tv (sorry that's "tele" for you british loving fans ;) and I've been to live baseball games - so I figured I knew what it'd be like - of course there'd be cheering. Nothing prepared me for this though...well, except for that bit Santiago mentioned on the bus ride over - about how the local fans, "hooligans" take their jobs very seriously, and they must sing and jump up and down throughout the game..."oh it is very serious, they would consider it unmanly if they didn't sing and jump for the whole time - it doesn't matter if they feel like it or, if their team is losing, if its raining, no matter what, they must."

and they really do.

we got to the stadium about an hour before the game started - and they had banners up along the edge of the upper level - but as the crowd built they threw these long banners from the top of the stadium all the way down to the pitch, and when their team took the field just to warm up - it started - singing and chanting in Spanish. it was amazing - one whole end of the stadium (like a third of the people) were singing - it would ebb and flow with the excitement of the game and at times like when River scored - the whole crowd was jumping up and down at the same time. I have always been fascinated by how a large group of individuals can morph in a crowd to be a single organism. It was beautiful in a way that I cannot describe the excitement - the love you felt they had for their team - and watch thousand of people jump up and down in unison - you can't plan that, its is just wonderful synergy.

I am sad to say, but I think now watching soccer on the tv, with just the announcers is going to feel like drinking flat soda :( I will miss the singing and jumping - that doesn't stop until their last team member leaves the field.

Am I allowed, I wonder, to give props to the other team's fans on my blog? Oh well, I'll tempt fate - first of all - there are these areas of the upper deck of the stadium, opposite where all the jumping and singing was happening - with high cement walls topped with razor wire. This is where safely cordoned off, the other team's fans were all 1-2 thousand of them in total, all with the banners and flags, doing their own jumping and singing, though in a more subdued fashion...but I have to say when their team finally scored they were almost as loud as the river fans who outnumbered them at least 10 to 1.

If you ever make it to Argentina - or any other futbol loving country outside North America - go to a game, even if you don't like the soccer. Its just SO FUN!

II. Tierra Santa

I have witnessed the resurrection! Ok, it was a re-enactment, but seriously. I was sitting next to a little old lady who only spoke spanish and she cried when the giant jesus closed his eyes and turned his palms to the heavens...oh but I seem to have started in the middle - sorry.

Tierra Santa, is a religious theme park, and while there's a lot that's just funny and odd (can I say weird without offending any of the christians reading here?), but I have to say - as religious theme parks go - I know I've only been to one - this one seems pretty tastefully done. An attraction for visiting Catholics - since there are so many in Argentina (and South America for that matter) - that boasts being both the first and the largest in the world is a life scale model roughly of Jerusalem. And for me was strangely reminiscent of those old plastic sets they'd have on star trek - you know the ones where they beam down to the planet and the stryofoam rocks fall and "crush" some poor character with no name (ensign #9?).

I have to say I chuckled a lot inside while walking around, and it started before I even entered the park out front in the grove of lovely, plastic palm trees. Inside there were all manner of camels, donkeys, and the occasional cow all sprinkled in and among little houses and shrines with differing religious figures, and while its mainly about the course of Jesus' life from birth (yes they have a nativity) through his life to his death (all the bloody stations of the cross) and the highlight of the tour, and the park is his resurrection where a 40 ft. tall animatronic Jesus rises right up out of the cavalry mound.

I have to give them points for including other religions- there is a small tribute to Ghandi, there's a synagogue and a mosque, and near the town square is a replica of the wailing wall, replete with plastic statues of Jews praying. It's strange and funny all at the same time. One of my favorite bits were all the staff walking about in a variety of arab clothing, from the woman at the front booth, right down to the girl I ran into the bathroom - with headscarf and all, she pulled on a pair of bright orange plastic gloves to begin cleaning the toilets. Who knew?

But like all religions what would it be without the contradictions and at Tierra Santa the contradictions are baffling and perhaps more baffling than the park itself. Every 2 hours there is an "arab dance" show in the town's main square i.e. belly dancing - to drums and synthesized music pretending to be "authentic" some of the tunes sounded vaguely like they had strains of tango - or strip show music in them. But that's not the funniest part - the dancers - while wearing typical head scarf, bikini top, flowing skirts and jewelry, they also wore leotard of white lycra, that actually covered their bellies. When I first saw them walk by I thought how very funny it is - let's admit that the arab's had dancing and sex - but we can't really show bare skin - so let's have it, but not have it.

...it gets better. the white lycra - was see through! what does THAT mean????

I was sitting next to a row of men - all faithfully videotaping the entire dance performance - it was like the only dance show they'd ever be allowed by their priests or their wives to see, and damn if they weren't going to capture every last second of it! I myself was astounded at how spectacularly bad the dancing really was - and was left yearning for the hirschman sisters to come kick some belly dancing ass! My head hurt trying to figure out how and why they came up with the idea for this show and the outfits, when I was saved by a cute little girl. She was standing at the very back with her little jean skirt, white tank top and little purple ribbons in her hair - probably not even 4 years old - doing her very best to imitate every dance move from the stage - and sometimes with astounding results that looked nothing like the belly dancer's move, but was some fantastic little dance move for someone her size. She was a delight to watch and I have to say, something inside me was relieved - as we had the next generation of belly dancer, right here in the mix.

Perdon...

in other words excuse me - things got busier here and I am behind on the posts. but do check back in a few days, as there are many great - mostly foodie bits - from Argentina. Including, but not limited to, some of the following adventures:

Miranda - not a planet where reavers were created - as many Joss Whedon fans would have you believe- it is near the center of the carnivore universe, with one of the best steaks I have ever eaten.

Patagonia Sur - not a place with rugged mountains and smelly trekkers, instead it is an enchanted little place in La Boca, where I was lucky enough to enjoy the best meal of my lifetime...the dessert (flan) was like having sex - and not, I'm talking about the I'm a college student and don't quite know what I am doing sex - I'm talking about good sex. very, very good, s - e- ...er I mean flan.

Olsen - yes Scandinavian -right in the middle of one of the best foodie-lands the continent - and perhaps the planet has to offer. the furniture - the music - even the damn salt and pepper shakers scream of some of the best design from Sweden? and the eggs and bacon laced potatoes make for one fantastic brunch - and did I menntion that it cost about $13?

Then there's the day long immersion into the two great religions of Argentina!

to be continued...